Call the Doctor

I have the best doctor! He is on call 24/7, 365 days a year and I never need an appointment. He’s always available and I don’t have to go through a a robot or AI to get to Him. There’s no paperwork to fill out about my family history. He knew all my ancestors. The best part is that He knows exactly what my illnesses are. What is interesting, though, is that He is only concerned about one thing. Every time we talk, He asks, “My friend, how’s your heart?” And then the tears flow. He asks, but He already knows. He knows the loneliness and the past wounds. I tell Him of the losses in my life and the dreams that will never be fulfilled. He listens and He understands like no one else can. With an outpouring of love from His own Heart into mine, the tears dry, the pain subdued. Then He reminds me of all the blessings He has allowed to flow into my life and invites me to recite them. I find that the list is much longer than my present sufferings. As I remember all the good things that God has done for me, my joy begins to return. My heart is no longer heavy and I sense His anointing over me. I know in the deepest recesses of my being that I am loved with an everlasting love. I end my “appointment” feeling so much better.

I guess I could write this recommendation on Google but perhaps this is better. Jesus is the Divine Physician and His “practice” is out of this world. To get in touch with Him, simply close your eyes and silently say, “Jesus, I need You”.

Reboot

Navigating all our electronic devices can be so challenging! I know I’m getting older but I think it can be crazy for the younger generation, too. Computers can freeze, emails can be delayed in reaching the intended person, batteries run low, calls can be dropped on our phone for absolutely no reason and messages left on voice mail sometimes don't show up until much later. All of this can cause tempers to flare and leave us feeling terribly frustrated. Many times the fix for these malfunctions is to turn off the computer or phone and wait a bit before turning the devices back on to allow time for things to reboot or refresh .

Reboot. Refresh. What great words for this new year for me! After a busy Christmas holiday and another bout of Covid, I could feel my brain and my body needing a break. I was feeling exhausted, foggy, a little sad and a bit lost My battery was running low. I was feeling so frustrated because I had not given myself any time to reflect on the things I needed and longed to do to make improvements for 2024. Spiritually I felt dry and small things were beginning to get the best of me. I needed to “turn off” and reboot. Making time for prayer plus talking to a dear friend and sharing what was happening made me realize that my "system" needed to be recharged. I desperately needed a time out. Do you feel that way sometimes? Our lives are consumed with so many things; concerns about our family, our children, grandchildren, the wellbeing and health of our friends, our concerns about our own health, our jobs, finances, the condition of our world, etc. Maybe you could mention your own worries here, too. We all have them.

So how do we, as humans, "reboot"? I suppose there are many ways to do this; vacations, listening to our favorite music, having a glass of wine (or two), and getting a good night’s sleep are all helpful. But these are temporary fixes. For me, I need daily prayer, scripture reading and quiet time with the Lord. Being still is such a gift! Silence is a rare commodity these days but it is so healing. I don't think we are meant to always be "on". At some point we will malfunction. When we begin to become impatient, when our nerves are easily frayed, when we feel agitated, when we just want to scroll through our social media, perhaps that's a sign that we need to press that inner button and turn off for a while. Our brains and our bodies need a break to get realigned, relaxed, renewed, revived. Then we are recharged and able to function properly. And everyone around us benefits.

There are a lot of “re” words in this writing; reboot, refreshed, recharged, realigned, relaxed, renewed, revived. That all sounds good to me! And maybe I can add another word to that list; rejoice! We are blessed in many ways and sometimes we can forget that. Let's take care of ourselves this year so that we can extend our battery life and fulfill whatever God has planned for us.

A Random Word

I’m not one for gambling. It’s because when I’ve taken chances before I usually lose. But recently I played a little spiritual roulette. There’s a very talented Catholic author and comedian, Jen Fulwiler, who each year posts a couple of links that when clicked will spit out a random “word of the year” specifically for you.  There’s also a link to a random saint who will accompany you during the new year.  You just take a chance and click the links. So I did.

Well, the word I received was not something I liked. It was strange, I thought. So, I tried to click the link again to get something else that I thought would be better but it didn’t work. I was stuck with this ridiculous word. I tried to ignore it and went on to click the link for “my” saint. Who turned up but St. Anthony of Padua who has been with me since the third grade when Miss Mary Helen introduced our class to him. I can’t even begin to tell you the number of times this saint has interceded for me over the years and my prayers were miraculously answered. He truly was my saint so much so that I named one of our sons after him. Then I went back again to that “word”. What did it mean?

The word is “smaller”. Surely that couldn’t mean my physical stature as I can’t afford to lose even a quarter of an inch. But smaller? Lord, how could my life be any smaller? After Covid, it seemed as if so many things were taken away. My two prayer groups fell apart, the virus temporarily affected my singing voice so I’m no longer “out there” singing in choirs or at other events. We changed parishes and I have not found any ministries that I felt called to. I did the training to become a lector but then I needed two eye surgeries and my vision is still healing. Reading a text is quite challenging. How can things possibly become smaller?

That night when I went to bed, I again struggled to find meaning to this word, smaller. I wrestled with the Lord over it and asked over and over what this could mean. I sensed He wanted me to let go of it and get the rest I sorely needed. It would be revealed in time. Just as I was about to fall asleep, a scripture came to mind. “He must increase and I must decrease.” (John 3:30) Yes! That was it! I felt excited as I would love for the Lord to increase in me and for me to become, well, smaller. The word finally had meaning for me. I felt at peace.

The next morning just as I was getting ready to read the scriptures for the day and listen to a commentary, I thought to myself, “Wouldn’t it be so amazing if the scripture from last night was somehow confirmed today? Sure enough, the commentator referred to St. John the Baptist and spoke that very word that I had received the night before.  And again, the following day, that same scripture came through in a different commentary. This was exciting! Now I knew this was something that I had to truly reflect on.

The joy, the peace that I experienced earlier when I received the scripture passage from John 3:30, has currently turned into a real struggle for me. I now understand what it’s true meaning is. Yes, how wonderfully marvelous it will be for the Lord to increase in me! I so long for this! But that word decrease (decrease=smaller) is now becoming a challenge as I have gained a new perspective. What needs to become “smaller” are my fears, my impatience, my feelings of rejection, my sense of not being good enough, my anxieties, my unworthiness, any resentments and the list goes on. Already I’ve had this tested. I understand how desperately I need for these things to become smaller.  And I pray, “Lord, yes, increase in me. Let Your peace, Your joy, Your patience, Your understanding, Your love, Your forgiveness flow over me. Increase those things in me. Allow those places of my heart that are not of you begin to grow smaller.”  It’s not going to be easy. But it’s only January and I have all year to work on that silly word, “smaller”. Actually, it turned out to be pretty profound. 

Happy New Year, everyone!

If you’re up for it, here’s the link to the random word generator.

www.wordoftheyear.me

Hunger

Hunger. It’s the first word that came into my mind when I woke up this morning. It was most probably the growling of my stomach that put that word into my head. But as I lay there I began to meditate on on it because I felt there was something more to it. The images of people hoarding carts of groceries was not only unforgettable, it was deplorable. I thought of so many who could not begin to afford to buy so much food or even those who would never think to do such a thing. But it happened all across our country. Lines stretched around parking lots so the throngs could pile as much food into their carts as they could manage. Why? Ultimately they were fearful of going hungry. Greed and selfishness clouded their common sense. If they would only have bought what they needed for the week there would be no food shortages. Shelves of bread, eggs, water and yes, toilet paper would still be full. I then began to think of another kind of hunger, a spiritual hunger. Are people hungry for God? Are they only thinking of what can fill their stomachs and not what can fill their deepest longings? Recently, in the Gospels, we read about the woman at the well. She encountered Jesus who told her that He could give her living water and that she would never thirst again. Only He can satisfy our thirst. Only He can give us His flesh and blood that truly satisfies us. If you hunger for something more than what physical food can give you, enter into God’s storehouse. The shelves are always fully stocked. There you can find peace, comfort, consolation, healing, forgiveness, mercy, joy, and love. What do you need? Go to Him. Enter into His heart and He will give you all you desire. The best part is that it’s free. Will you pray with me?

Dear Jesus, I come to you in my emptiness. I’m not even sure what I need. I am afraid, lonely, weary and anxious about many things. As I enter Your “storehouse”, will You please guide me to the spiritual aisles I should go down? Begin to fill my “cart” with courage, peace, patience, and humility. You know everything about me and what I need to stop the growling of my spirit. I come hungry.

“The favors of the Lord are not exhausted, His mercies are not spent;They are renewed each morning, so great is His faithfulness.” Lamentations 3: 22-23

A Locked Door

In Sunday’s Gospel passage, Jesus walks into a room where the door had been locked, and appeared to His disciples after the resurrection. He showed Himself to Thomas, the one who had not believed that Jesus had been raised from the dead. I kept thinking about this particular part. If Jesus could come into a place where the door had been locked, could He then come into locked hearts, hearts that have been closed to Him, and reveal the wounds that He suffered out of love for them? Yes, yes, I believe He could.

Contemplative children?

Can children learn to become contemplative? I had never thought of this until yesterday when I spoke to my daughter-in-law. She said that the kids (my grands) have been listening to my new CD, A Time to Heal, and they have been requesting certain songs. These particular songs are very quiet and meditative, ones I never dreamed children would like. Normally we let kids listen to upbeat songs to get them moving or dancing. But shouldn't we try to allow them to experience the presence of God in a quiet setting? The fact that children are drawn to prayerful music is wonderful. Let's give them this opportunity more and more. The world is a very noisy, crazy environment most of the time. Everyone needs a break from this, even children.

Struggles

What a year 2020 has been! No one will ever be able to forget a year that we had all hoped would be amazing. 2020, a year of clear vision, was not to be. We’ve all suffered through this horrific pandemic, and daily news stories have filled us with fear. So many people have died from this disease. Because of these very real fears, we had to become isolated, keeping our distance from beloved family members and friends, foregoing funerals and any family celebrations such as anniversaries and birthdays. Weddings and graduations were cancelled. The stress, the loneliness, the depression, the financial worries were nearly unbearable. To make matters worse, we just went through a presidential election, a very divisive one. I have never heard such vicious attacks against fellow Americans before. Is meaningful and considerate dialogue a thing of the past? It feels as if this nation’s heart is breaking in two and I wonder if it will ever mend.

These parallel events, along with my own struggles with health, with suffering several losses in the family and general anxieties about loved ones, made me sorrowful, worried to the point of tears and I was becoming impatient over little things and easily agitated. I was trying so hard to stay above water, to fight the good fight but I was becoming battle weary.

The other evening, I was overwhelmed with sadness over something I had read on social media. I fell asleep praying. In the morning I felt I heard in my spirit, “What will you choose today? You have choices as to how you feel and how you respond.” And then began the litany: Oh my God, I choose joy. I choose patience. I choose to be kind and speak thoughtful and encouraging words. I choose peace and pausing before I speak. I choose forgiveness towards those who have hurt me. I choose hope and I choose to love. I choose to build up rather than tear down.

The sadness I had gone to bed with had disappeared and I truly felt unburdened. I realized that I need to stand guard over my feelings because they affect the small world around me. I cannot change the emotional climate of this country, only what is in my small sphere of influence. Imagine if we all could make choices that are not only good for our own souls, but also for those who are around us.

Obviously, I’m going to fail miserably some days but just being aware of the choices I make is helping. Perhaps the Prayer of St. Francis is a good way to start the day.

Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love;

Where there is injury, pardon;

Where there is doubt, faith;

Where there is despair, hope;

Where there is darkness, light;

And where there is sadness, joy.

Oh Divine Master,

Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;

To be understood, as to understand;

To be loved, as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned

And it is in dying , that we are born to eternal life.

93Stephen Terr Baudelaire, Megan Hogan O'Kane and 91 others

58 Comments

Like

Comment

Share

Who is carrying us?

The last 18 months have been rather challenging health-wise for John and for me. Prior to this we were blessed with great health and lots of energy. We traveled quite a bit and were enjoying life post- retirement. Then one by one, we began facing some hard times and I found myself constantly asking my family and friends for prayer. When I read yesterday’s Gospel, it hit me how we had managed to come through each crisis.

The reading was from Luke, chapter five. Jesus was teaching and “the power of the Lord was with Him for healing.” And there were friends of a man who had been paralyzed who were carrying him on a stretcher for Jesus to cure him. But the crowds were so large that they couldn’t get close to Him. Using their ingenuity, determination, persistence and faith they climbed onto the roof and lowered their friend on the stretcher through the tiles and placed him directly in front of Jesus. Jesus marveled at their faith and cured the man. The man immediately got up, “picked up what he was lying on and went away glorifying God.”

I began meditating on this amazing story because I truly feel that my family and friends have been spiritually carrying us and placing us directly in front of our Lord for healing. So many prayers have been offered, gifts of nutritious meals were left on our porch, flowers were delivered to cheer us, and care packages sent. I honestly never felt worthy of all of these outpourings of love and care. But this is what the body of Christ looks like in human flesh and blood. We take care of one another.

Sometimes, I think we are like spiritual EMT’s. The calls come in and the wheels are set in motion. Occasionally all that’s needed is an encouraging word, other times life saving measures are in order. But our main job is to place our neighbor directly in front of Jesus for healing, whether it be physical, emotional or spiritual. He is the Divine Physician and knows what’s best for us.

I have heard this scripture passage from Luke so many times in the past but now it has new meaning for me. As we look forward to yet another healing (this time from the Covid virus) we are already glorifying God for His goodness and mercy and for all of those who have carried us on our stretchers.