What a year 2020 has been! No one will ever be able to forget a year that we had all hoped would be amazing. 2020, a year of clear vision, was not to be. We’ve all suffered through this horrific pandemic, and daily news stories have filled us with fear. So many people have died from this disease. Because of these real fears we had to become isolated, keeping our distance from beloved family members and friends, foregoing funerals and any family celebrations such as anniversaries and birthdays. Weddings and graduations were cancelled. The stress, the loneliness, the depression, the financial worries were nearly unbearable. To make matters worse, we just went through a presidential election, a very divisive one. I have never heard such vicious attacks against fellow Americans before. Is meaningful and considerate dialogue a thing of the past? It feels as if this nation’s heart is breaking in two and I wonder if it will ever mend.
These parallel events, along with my own struggles with health, with suffering several losses in the family and general anxieties about loved ones, made me sorrowful, worried to the point of tears and I was becoming impatient over little things and easily agitated. I was trying so hard to stay above water, to fight the good fight but I was becoming battle weary.
The other evening, I was overwhelmed with sadness over something I had read on social media. I fell asleep praying. In the morning I felt I heard in my spirit, “What will you choose today? You have choices as to how you feel and how you respond.” And then began the litany: Oh my God, I choose joy. I choose patience. I choose to be kind and speak thoughtful and encouraging words. I choose peace and pausing before I speak. I choose forgiveness towards those who have hurt me. I choose to love. I choose to build up rather than tear down.
The sadness I had gone to bed with had disappeared and I truly felt unburdened. I realized that I need to stand guard over my feelings because they affect the small world around me. I cannot change the emotional climate of this country, only what is in my small sphere of influence. Imagine if we all could make choices that are not only good for our own souls, but also for those who are around us.
Obviously, I’m going to fail miserably each day but just having the awareness of the choices I make is helping. Perhaps the Prayer of St. Francis is a good way to start the day.
Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
And where there is sadness, joy.
Oh Divine Master,
Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; To be understood, as to understand; To be loved, as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned
And it is in dying , that we are born to eternal life.